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I hope I really can make it there...
mentally worn out sia...
esp by cow lah...tat idiot is nt being helpful in any sense...
i cried this morning (ya tats y my eyes swollen)...together with bryan at the coffeeshop near my house... (the only place where there's early morning sun for bibi to tan out his jundice) sian sia... its like never ending... whenever he's gt insufficent sleep or lost matches..both of us suffer lah...
1st is bryan...always kena for trival things...then i will get upset and E-mo breakdown...its tiring ok?
i wonder who is the one on confinement now... is it cow or me?
he's taking more rest than me yet...haiz...sibehsian...
i hope im coping well lor...lucky i can still lean on my parents and Xiaoball. they are ever so helpful and they never once complain for the troubles to help me out...im very touched and learnt to appreciate my mum even more...though she likes to nag and repeat like a parrot... THANKS PAPA MUMMY XIAOBALL without u ppl i think i might end up with post natal blues and maybe committed suicide for all u knw... then ur wnt be able to read my boliao blogs anymore...and see cutie bryan and bibi's fotos...
i was having some fat hopes lah...thinking to be a complete housewife till end of DEC 07...lol.. by then, bibi alrdy breastfed for 6mths...immune system more stablised,so i can go back to work in peace..i mean go find job then...AND thats IF cow allows lah...
Mayb im jus too demanding...less one income, but he never get serious finding part time jobs, always TALK only...he's nt ambitious- nvm. but at least let me see that he's really fighting and working hard for this family and nt simply hoping thru gambling and placing bets on matches to be rewarded... its time - high time for him to be more mature and committed to this family... argh...i dunno y i saying all these lah...
Anyway my usual line - I"M LEAVING EVERYTHING TO GOD. OF COS I'VE GOT TO WORK HARD TO GET THE RESULTS I WANNA SEE...
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if u have been serious abt our relationship,
i think we would lead a very different life now...
somewhere out there? where nobody knws us...
we can lead very simple life and be happy.
now that u raise the qns to me...
its very heartaching to push u away this time...
cos u r the one who pushed me hard and rough to a corner...
and thank GOD i've braced myself and come so far...
u can never imagine the hurt, mental and emotional breakdown i've been having...
everything is ur say...wat abt me?
wat can i say now?
YES or NO?
i chose NO.
i gave lame excuses...i hear sadness in ur voice
though u tried to counter offer me...
IM SO SORRY my dear...
for this is the only way thats good for u and me...
the only thing i can never figure out is...
why its so hard to ask for very basic things in my life...
a hug, a care, unconditional love and loving kiss...
these aren't things that can be bought over...
it has to be from ur heart- deep down inside u.
words to u are like cheapskate things
they are meaningless to u
but u never knw the knid of hurt it has been implanted in me...
watever, hwever..i stilll love u, not the same cos it seems so so far away now..
i still miss u... =)
may good luck bless u to find a better person to spend with thru this journey.
thanks for all the memories...love u